Northern lights and southern poverty

So there’s a lot going on for me at the moment and I’m just going to pour it all out as much as I want into this blog.

In the immediate future – tomorrow – I’m going to Tromso in Norway for three nights and four days and it’s going to be amazing.  I’ve got an odd obsession with Scandinavia, and I just know I’m going to love it regardless of what happens.  Of course I’m keen to the see the Northern Lights, but that’s not my main reason for going and I won’t be completely disappointed if I don’t see them. Just being anywhere in Scandinavia and particularly 350km north of the Arctic Circle in an amazing place like Tromso is just the ultimate getaway for me.

My partner is excited, of course, but he’s so down in the dumps about money at the moment it’s really difficult.  I completely understand, we really can’t afford this, given we’re moving permanently back to Australia from London in January, and there is so much to pay for. We’re also getting married in April, so there’s lots to organise and pay for there, and coming back to Australia we’ll have no jobs and no house, it’s going to mean starting from scratch with no real savings to speak of.

Last night we talked about it a bit and were asking ourselves, what are we doing? We came to the conclusion that we’ve still got to go, it’s what we want and there’s nothing to be gained by waiting around in London and prolonging our temporary living situation here. Of course we both have jobs here, but we’re deliberately not establishing ourselves as we’ve known for a while that we’re going back to Aus to live.

I think a massive issue is that we’ve decided to move to Sydney. I didn’t want to at first at all, and he didn’t want to go to Melbourne, which was my first choice as lots of my friends are there. I have a lot of family in Sydney, and I know they’d happily put us up temporarily but I just don’t want to do it, I don’t want to stay with them. There’s this feeling that I want to keep my life separate, that I don’t really want to spend that much time with them, that being around them doesn’t actually do anything for me as a person, it’s not the right path to take, in a sense. It’s such a strange and irrational feeling that it frustrates me to even try and articulate it.

I think about flying into Sydney in January and I can’t picture it, I can’t picture how it will be, how our first moments of our new life will play out.  I feel really lost going home, not because I don’t know it or don’t want to go, but because I don’t have a niche or a home there any more and I have to begin again.  The lack of money is a huge issue I guess, and if that wasn’t dominating things then the transition would feel a whole lot easier to digest. I think the way I’m going to handle this and get through it and find a workable solution is just to have a brainstorm. It’s different for my partner as he is not from Australia and really is starting a new life. I must make a lot of the choices about establishing ourselves there as I know the place, I know how things work etc.

I feel a bit weird not having a job at home. I’ve never been in this situation before, and while of course I have job hunted a lot in London it works totally differently in Aus. There isn’t this big market for recruitment agents over there, you just apply for jobs as best you can.  I’ve been applying, but there’s really not much out there and until I’m in the country I can’t do that much.

I guess up to that point I’m planning to get some extra money by selling a whole lot of stuff on ebay before we leave, and then when we get back I’ll hopefully get some tax back from the UK government plus perhaps National Insurance.  God knows what my tax situation will be like in Australia after not having submitted a tax return for two years!  But to be fair, I’ve been out of the country.  The only problem is that I’ve technically been earning income, as I own a house that I’ve had rented out the entire time.

It’s all very stressful but I do have faith that it’ll be okay in the end, it will somehow work out because this is my life and everything happens as it should, even bad things, it’s all for a reason which will reveal itself eventually as long as I keep my eyes open and learn the lessons coming my way.